A Message from a Burnout Business Owner

Building Sew Eco Fabrics has been an incredible journey, which is why I'm terrified of what's next.

 

But I am going to be brutally honest first.

This last year has been one of the hardest years of my life, both professionally and personally.

I don't know how I've landed myself into such an inspiring, supportive and passionate community of sewists, but here we are. I wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for all the support I've received over the past nearly four years.

From impromptu celebratory dances when I finished a challenging sewing project, to Instagram messages with long-distance friends sharing their makes, or the dedicated customers who stayed up till midnight to get their hands on my seasonal sewing boxes.

It's the little moments that have kept me going. Best of all, it's the friendships I've made along the way. Friends I deeply cherish and genuinely couldn't imagine my life without anymore. All because I picked up a sewing machine.

 

For better or worse, the business and I have grown side by side for almost four years.

It's why this is so difficult to write. Whether you noticed or not, I've been extremely quiet lately. I've not been showing up where I should be and the business has suffered for it.

Many of you celebrated with me last April, when I quit my retail job to go full-time with the business. After building the business for the first 3 years alongside working retail and hospitality jobs, I finally took the leap to go all in.

It felt like a dream come true. I was travelling around the country with Rosie on the Road (pop up shop tour), meeting customers at sewcials and events, and growing the business. Little did I know, that job I quit, was my scaffolding holding me in place (don't worry this will soon make sense).

I also launched the Summer Picnic Box last year, which remains my favourite seasonal box I've ever created. The colours, the project, the experience of opening it, all just came together perfectly. Everything looked like it was going well.

But what I didn't realise was my brain was quietly falling apart behind the scenes.

 

I was being taken hostage behind my very eyes.  

Who knew that quitting a part-time job would be the final ingredient in destroying my nervous system.

I thought I was just exhausted from touring around the country, popping up the shop at sewing sewcials. But turns out it's not that simple. After returning from events, I found myself unable to get started on even simple tasks. And although this was always a struggle throughout my whole life, suddenly everything felt louder.

Even finding the motivation to sit and edit a video (that I knew would take only 10 minutes) for social media felt impossible. 

My head was full of ideas, but I couldn't organise them enough to know where to start. And if I somehow managed to pick one, I would become paralysed trying to work out how to get the idea to the finished result.

It wasn't just work-related either, my homelife was falling apart too. Reaching a point, where you cannot even cook anymore because it's too overstimulating/overwhelming is a level of dysfunction I wish nobody to experience. It's suffocating when you start to dread buying food at all; it will most likely end up burnt, or tasteless because you forgot to add the seasoning due to trying so hard to remember that you're cooking in the first place.

Meanwhile weeks were passing by and the only time I seemed to work efficiently was when something became urgent. Suddenly I could focus, prioritise and take action. Yet daily I found myself battling with myself to just start.. anything.

 

By late July, I found myself in bouts of depression and waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety attacks. I kept pushing through, convinced I simply wasn't working hard enough. I started to find myself chronically fatigued, yet feeling still like I've not done enough. Always falling behind, and forever failing to meet the standards I knew I was capable of.

At the same time, the business began slowing down. There were external challenges too, including a frustrating three-week battle with a bot attack on the website that damaged my search visibility. But although it's always a challenge running a business in our economy, you work with you have, make changes and push through.

 

 

But the biggest issue was that I simply wasn't able to show up consistently for the business anymore. The emails weren't going out regularly. Social media became inconsistent. New ideas stayed trapped in notebooks instead of becoming reality.

The harder I pushed, the worse things seemed to get. It was only when my mental health dramatically declined and I suddenly found myself unable to leave the bed or "egg" chair (garden chair I loved), that I finally accepted I needed help. 

 

Suddenly my whole life started to make sense

In December I was diagnosed with ADHD

Turns out leaving employed work, removing the routine, structure and accountability that was laid out for me, was the worst thing I could have done for my ADHD brain.

Being that ADHD primarily impacts executive functioning (planning, focus, working memory) and having tools (like routine, structure etc.), all help to compensate for the lack of regulation, which results in lower stress levels and minimises the decision fatigue.

Think of it like an external scaffolding for the ADHD brain. Without me knowing that the original brickwork (my brain), was developed with lack of cement; the scaffolding was what was keeping things from getting worse, and I just fired the scaffolders.

 

Since my diagnosis I've been learning more about myself than I ever thought was possible. Like most late-diagnosed adults, I thought everyone struggled this way. Turns out we've been struggling over very different things.

To realise how overwhelming everything is without medication, no wonder overstimulation is so common. The world and our own thoughts can feel incredibly loud when your brain doesn't filter information in the same way. And the emotional regulation? Now you're just gloating!

 

 

It was like someone rebooted me and cleared the glitches that prevented me from running my programs correctly.

Being that I've been struggling with day to day function so badly, I opted for stimulant medication to help. I can certainly say the medication is life changing. My nervous system made it very clear that it needed it; after all I spent the first hour blubbering my heart out.

 

It was like someone just gave me permission to stop holding my breath.

This of course happened after I had opened my laptop to work; being curious of how it would affect my executive dysfunction and task paralysis.

Life-changing is all that need to be said.

My brain is so much quieter, all that noise and information that was overloading me; it's moved from the front of my head to the back. It feels there, but not there. I can think clearly and hold onto one thought, without another 5 thoughts chucking themselves in front. 

It's also helped me with emotional regulation, so much so, I didn't realise how bad it was until I started taking medication. My working memory is much better too, along with task executive dysfunction. I can now open my laptop, and read the task list and all the information can fully sink in. Within seconds, I'm choosing a task in priority order and telling myself "right, let's get started on this." LIKE WHAT!? Who knew, it was that easy.

And don't get me wrong, the meds don't fix everything. It just helps me get started. I still have had to build new systems to ensure I'm working with my brain and not against it. 

For many people what I've written probably sounds completely ordinary. For me, it's like someone just gave me permission to stop holding my breath.

 

 

We are just built differently. 

As you can imagine, tackling this mental battle on a daily basis, it soon begins to accumulate more stress, financial pressures, and personal/work-related issues. Of course the self-hating repeatedly asking yourself "I want to do this, why I can't I just start. What is wrong with you!" wears you down and adds to your mental health challenge. It's difficult to know something isn't working right, but not having the tools or knowledge to help yourself. 

Which is why so many ADHDer's, get misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety. As I too ended up struggling with my mental health. Because after a lifetime of asking yourself "what is wrong with you?" and for me especially, this last year, the added stress and pressure of running the business by myself, that negative thinking, and the lack of control over your own mind. How would it not effect your mental health, and does not surprise it lead to me burning out.

But of course diagnosis and recovery has taught me there is nothing "wrong" with me or anyone who is neurodivergent.

The Business is not okay

Which takes us up to the last few months. Though I am burnout and stressed, the ideas and drive to grow the business - the overall mission - has never stopped. 

But in order for me to continue, I needed to recover and repair my mental health. I had to take it easy to ensure I didn't push before I ready. Being that I am still titrating and find the right dose of medication, my daily function has been a bit of a rollercoaster. 

Which is why I continued to pop up the shop at Lymington Market (first Saturday of every month) to keep the toes dipped into the business (eww, why did I go with this analogy?) to ensure operational costs were paid. 

Sadly, it doesn't mean the business is okay and time isn't on my side.

 

 

This is where I'm at a crossroads

The business is at a critical point, and it's either bounce it back, or say goodbye.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm writing this because I've always tried to be honest and transparent with you, on the realities of running a business and the fact is, there is a human behind this page. It feels more important than pretending everything is fine.

 

When the business was doing so good early last year, I took some risks and gathered more funding. I was investing in the growth, the tour travelling the country to network and meet more sewists. I launched new products, and to build what I had hoped would be the next stage of Sew Eco Fabrics. 

But sadly, when the difficulties of ADHD took control, my mental health declined and I reached full burnout. My ability to work dropped dramatically, and of course the financial pressure piled on. 

But the business and everything that comes along with it, doesn't stop just because of personal disabilities and mental health issues. 

 

Which is why I'm exploring a way forward

I am not giving up, I'm fighting back, and fighting differently this time.

So I'm on a mission to save the business and raise some funds to get Sew Eco Fabrics back on solid ground. Last year I had plans to launch subscription boxes filled with beautiful fat quarters, but never made it happen. Well now it's time.

Save the Shop, Fabric Box

Our first box will be a one-off box. Funds made from this box will go directly in getting the shop back on it's feet. Inside you'll find a new exclusive print of the Conscious Edit. A newsletter full of stories, inspiration and sewing fun - only to be found in our Fabric boxes.

The Conscious Edit will be a monthly newsletter that will be launched inside our new monthly subscription boxes, that will be opening up in July. 

 

"Save the Shop" Fabric Box

I thought what better than a fabric fix, whilst helping raise funds to save a fabric shop from closing. It's something small but will make a big impact. 

To be completely transparent, all funds will be directly staying with the business to help ease financial pressure and begin building again. I've not taken a salary for a while now and have also taken up part-time work outside the business. Until the business is back on good standing, I will continue to not take any salary. 

Even if you cannot afford a Fabric Box, something as simple as sharing a post, or telling your friends about the shop, can make a bigger difference than you can possibly realise.

The mission hasn't changed, just the way I work, to protect both my mental health and the future of Sew Eco Fabrics. Sewing has given me friendships, purpose and a creative outlet that changed my life. I'm not ready to give up on that. 

I write this post in the hope that I can find more sewists that I've not yet connected with; and to those who have supported me along the way, who continue to cheer Sew Eco Fabrics on.

As always thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting a small business through the highs and the lows. You're sew appreciated ❤️

 

Rosie x